4/20/11

Looking for Peace

Grace undercover peek-a-boo!

How lovely would it be, to curl up inside a blanket all comfy & warm, and be cocooned awhile? Grace the pup sure knows how to do things right.

This post is a departure from Tea & Chickadees' norm. This is a personal reflection and sharing of another part of Me. I made a conscious decision to make this blog a place of happiness, positivity & sweet moments. Not just to benefit those around me & the world-at-large, but for my own well being. It's good for the spirit to reflect on things like nature, fluffy kitties and cute puppies, beauty, art & the little things in Life that make you smile.

Here's the dealio: I'm going through a bit of a crisis of Self right now, and I've decided to do some serious focusing on this thing called Life and where I've taken it. My health has steadily declined over the past few years, and has reached an all-time low. This has affected my natural ability to see the little joys around me; I find it very difficult to see the little joys right now. 

Things have become a bit of a blur.

blurred 1970s

For years now, I have been coping. Coping isn't really living. Coping is what we do to get by; to make it from one day to the next. It's one of my least favourite English language words. I much prefer words like apropos, plethora and aplomb (other words with a pronounced 'p' that are just so much better)!

When living with auto-immune disorders like I do (and millions of others), stress is the biggest culprit. Physical, mental, emotional stress = big bad fallout. I've been falling since 2006, and it seems I've reached the bottom, finally and with a loud BOOM. Living with chronic pain is no picnic ... but I'd like to try and make it more of a picnic, maybe by adding a pretty vintage blanket, more pie, sunshine in a bucket to be carried everywhere, and a dash of dancing ants! Yes, that'll do.

I haven't been active in my living the past while; definitely since December of last year. My local friends are aware of my disappearing act; my hermit impersonation could win an Oscar. It's just that I mostly need rest and quiet right now. Which means a lot of lone time. And I'm okay with that, but I often feel like I'm letting everyone around me down. Saying 'no' is hard. Making plans only to break them because I am having a particularly pain-filled & exhausted day, sucks.

So, I'm taking a break. I'm refocusing. I'm going to change my path a little, maybe take the trail that veers off to the left. See where it'll take me; hopefully somewhere peaceful and contemplative (like the scene of my tulips resting amongst a wall of blue).

pretty pink tulips

I'm not sure why I felt the need to share a little behind-the-scenes and less-than-fun world with you, but it just felt like the right moment. I admire other bloggers who share tidbits of their less-than-fun personal lives, and so I felt emboldened to do likewise. I'm equally unsure what I hope to achieve by doing so ... except that once you put out a plea to the universe for a little help, sometimes those prayers are answered.

I made an Etsy treasury the other day, dedicated to myself entitled "hope you feel better soon..." - but, it's also for everyone who is sick, having the mean reds, or feeling downright crappy. I hope you feel better soon and that the gray skies turn blue soon.


I feel like this is a good first step for me to venture into the next phase of things. It's like taking off a bandaid in one fast & painful zzzzzzzzzzip! - sure it stings, but only for a bit. Then the booboo has room to breathe & finish healing.
xo
Caren

16 comments:

  1. I am so proud of you! This is a wonderful post Caren:) We can re-focus together. I have started blogging again, come visit and I hope I can see you really soon:) Much LOVE

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  2. Thanks dear Karen! Let's be a support to one another's re-focusing. xox! p.s. I'm happily following your refreshed Drawing Rose!

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  3. What a cute puppy picture. I really like your treasury too. Especially the sad little cloud. I have a very stressful job at times and know exactly what you're talking about. You seem very optimistic - I have a good feeling about what's to come in your world. :)

    ♥ sécia
    www.petiteinsanities.blogspot.com

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  4. Thank you sécia! I appreciate your kindness & hope your stressful job doesn't get you down. Love your sweet blog!

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  5. oh caren,
    you are so loved.
    loveable.
    love-able.
    This crossroads.turning point.crisis point. is always a healthy step to healing... cuz the desire to change is always the crucial first step.
    Praying much peace,courage,sweetness, cupcakes.. your way. I couldn't love you less just because you've 'hidden' away. I only miss you more.
    Stay connected k. No (wo)man is an island :o)
    xoxo

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  6. It is a wonderful, honest post. I, for one, have always been 'suspect' of ever happy blogs. I find that by airing my melancholy or the difficult parts of my life on my blogs (along with the good, of course!) I do feel a healing or at least I can hope for a little empathy (which always helps!)

    I wish you speedy healing!

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  7. I feel the same about the word 'coping.' It seems like all I ever do, and I have times where I want to be like Gracie and hide under the covers forever, because it's easier there. Good on you for consciously deciding to make a positive change, I know how hard that is, I really really do. I hope your path, wherever it goes, brings you the peace you deserve. xo

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  8. Thank you for your honesty in this post. It isn't easy to share personal details in a public forum.

    I love your sweet little blog full of sunshine, appreciation and descriptions of coffee so perfect I feel like I can smell it. I hope you'll continue posting about the things that inspire you and not worry about sharing your struggles.

    Sending you healing thoughts and a few secret ninja moves.

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  9. I know how hard it can be to hit that 'publish' button when it feels like you're laying your soul bare for all to see, so many thanks for writing this lovely thoughtful post.

    Whilst I am totally and completely on board with your philosophy of appreciating and celebrating the little things, like Gina I am often a bit suspicious of blogs that are always always joyous and happy - every now and again it's nice to get a glimpse at the 'real' person, the 'real' life. Not that it's in any way nice to hear about your health problems and you're pain - that is most definitely NOT nice. So I wish you much happiness and health and a good solid dose of refocussing!

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  10. Hello, dear neighbour. I want you to know I've been thinking about you a LOT these days. Peeking through my windows to see if you're out and about. Sending lots of good vibes and wishing I could help. (Please let me know what I can do.)
    I miss you terribly and hope to see you soon. My heart is here for you and I love you greatly.
    I think you're so strong for bringing your world to this blog and sharing. I know that you're helping others in putting your words out there like this. You're a beautiful soul and we're all cheering for you.

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  11. I wish that something I say can make things better for you physically but I hope that all this love you've garnered around the Internet where we've all become friends will play a small part in keeping you go on.

    My best of love and wishes, dear Caren!

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  12. So sad to hear that you haven't been in good spirits lately. I hope that you're able to reach the peaceful place you're aiming for soon!

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  13. Oh caren I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. Being sick is no fun :( I think me and you need to hangout and have a little 'ode to sick' day. We will lay in bed, laptop our hearts out, eat yummys and indulge. I love you so much and i hope you feel plenty a' better <3
    xoxx

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  14. sweet Caren, i hope you are able to find new inspiration in the warm and sunny seasons on the horizon! you deserve to be happy and healthy and i am yet another internet friend who is rooting for you :)
    as you know, i too have had a rough spell and i have found it quite cathartic to share my gloomy moments from time to time. life is not often perfect but the frequency in which you are able to find things to smile about is inspiring to all who have the pleasure of being a part of your world.
    much love and solidarity,
    - Lisa.

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  15. I admit to getting a little teary-eyed when reading your responses; thank you, from a deep & true place, for the generosity of your words.

    Much love!
    ~Caren

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  16. hello! this is the first time i have visited your blog, but i find it very inspirational! i find it artsy, with that little hint of reality you can sometimes not find through pictures! i have always wanted to be an artsy photographer! your doggy is adorable by the way!

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hello! Thank you for taking the time to say a little something; I do appreciate reading your thoughts & ideas. ♥